Today we examine some of the myths, half-truths, and outright lies perpetrated on the public by the housing industry as exposed under the expert tutelage of
Nigel Swaby,
award-winning blogger and search engine optimizer. Like all messiahs, those who preach differently than the rest of the crowd are bound to suffer significant persecution. The housing blogosphere is no different.
Let's begin with one such brilliant observation that has gotten a lot of criticism from those jerks over at
Exurban Nation and the crybabies at
Foreclosure Avoiders Ruined My Life. (I don't think they ever had much of a life to begin with.)
"Consider this parallel - When I was growing up, I could buy a McDonalds hamburger for 25 cents. No matter how much I hope, pray or wish for hamburger prices to come down, I will never see that level of hamburger pricing again. The same applies to housing." Nigel Swaby, SLC Real Estate Blog, 11/8/06.
What Master Swaby is saying here is a remarkable statement and it rings just as truthinessy today as the day he said it: except for the rare times when they go down, hamburger prices ALWAYS GO UP. This is because during the Spring hamburger buying season, excess hamburger inventories will be bought up by lethargic overweight Mormon children, while distressed burger flippers will either drop their prices accordingly or move into other more stable markets such as filet o'fishes or possibly Arby's melts. Then, through some kind of market mechanism, possibly due to Mormons needing somewhere to put their fat lazy children, the housing market will follow a similar pattern! Amazing! Using historical hamburger pricing data, the graph above (courtesy of Nouveau Swaby University) shows that there is in fact a strong correlation between fast food prices and Salt Lake real estate. The most surprising result was the uniform increase and subsequent depletion across all fast food sectors during the 2003
prlinkbiz visit. The data don't lie, folks.
Another problem that has been puzzling biologists for years is what exactly is the cause of algae. This debate has raged for decades with many scientists suggesting such hogwash as dirty pools are caused by quantum particles, black magic, and even going so far as to say that lack of maintenance might be a factor. Nigel Swaby knew this to be pure poppycock, balderdash, and tommyrot and that there could be only one correct conclusion: that algae is mostly caused by the sun. He then contracted his friend, an ass-kicking forensic algaeologist to conduct a scientificish study. (Seriously, he's an avid fisherman whose weaponry skills are utilized strongly by the Navy SEALs and Brian S. Nick. Sea life would never want to mess with this guy; he has no sympathy for plankton.) Anyway, the results came back, and yet again, Nigel was proven correct. As the pie chart above shows, the sun is indeed mostly the cause of algae. Furthermore, he suggests an ingenious plan to deprive the algae of the sun: put the pool indoors, like Nigel's pool! That's right, Nigel has a pool, and it's in his house! In fact, it's located between his driveway, which has a BMW parked on it, and the 28000 gallon pond in the backyard which is full of koi, which are fish.
So let this be a lesson to you haterz - before you go off haterzing on people, maybe you should do your homework.
Please check out these award-winning
Foreclosure Avoiders resources:
Foreclosure Avoiders Foreclosure Avoiders Foreclosure Avoiders
"Consider this parallel - When I was growing up, I could buy a McDonalds hamburger for 25 cents. No matter how much I hope, pray or wish for hamburger prices to come down, I will never see that level of hamburger pricing again. The same applies to housing." Nigel Swaby, SLC Real Estate Blog, 11/8/06.
Another problem that has been puzzling biologists for years is what exactly is the cause of algae. This debate has raged for decades with many scientists suggesting such hogwash as dirty pools are caused by quantum particles, black magic, and even going so far as to say that lack of maintenance might be a factor. Nigel Swaby knew this to be pure poppycock, balderdash, and tommyrot and that there could be only one correct conclusion: that algae is mostly caused by the sun. He then contracted his friend, an ass-kicking forensic algaeologist to conduct a scientificish study. (Seriously, he's an avid fisherman whose weaponry skills are utilized strongly by the Navy SEALs and Brian S. Nick. Sea life would never want to mess with this guy; he has no sympathy for plankton.) Anyway, the results came back, and yet again, Nigel was proven correct. As the pie chart above shows, the sun is indeed mostly the cause of algae. Furthermore, he suggests an ingenious plan to deprive the algae of the sun: put the pool indoors, like Nigel's pool! That's right, Nigel has a pool, and it's in his house! In fact, it's located between his driveway, which has a BMW parked on it, and the 28000 gallon pond in the backyard which is full of koi, which are fish.
You'll want to start it off with either the tiger striped or leopard print speedos. This will add a little bonus flavor for the ladies when they discover your hidden wild side.
Of course, you'll need sunglasses with leather side visors (preferably Ray-Bans) to give you that I'm mid-30's and impotent look.
