Here is a helpful guide from mortgage industry power broker Nigel Swaby to assist you, the pathetic haterz looser, in becoming an award-winning aspiring web jounalist and blogger.
Brought to you by Foreclosure Avoiders, the #2 Foreclosure Avoiders site on the web.
"As an award-winning aspiring web journalist, I am often asked by my 2759 fans, how exactly did I manage to land the real-estate story of the year, and win 3rd place at a blog carnival?
Well, it's all in the way that you present yourself to others. How others perceive you will dramatically influence the outcome of any business or romantic situation. Below are some tips on making that all-important first impression.You'll want to start it off with either the tiger striped or leopard print speedos. This will add a little bonus flavor for the ladies when they discover your hidden wild side.
Next, add the pastel polo shirt and the pleated dockers. White is best, although khakis will work in a pinch.
These go perfectly with always stylish Topsiders and the classic pleather Members Only to make a bold statement.
For special occasions (such as Friday nights) bust out the custom Bill Shatner toupee, otherwise stick with the sensible neck-cape cap to hide your gleaming scalp.Of course, you'll need sunglasses with leather side visors (preferably Ray-Bans) to give you that I'm mid-30's and impotent look.
And let's not forget to accessorize! The 18k gold plated calculator watch and collectible Jamaican bobsled team pin let everyone know that you're the kind of guy who can get access to even the most restricted Olympic VIP rooms.
Give yourself a good dousing with Axe body spray and Hai Karate. Apply liberally to the groin area. Now you're looking and smelling like an award-winner!
Throw on your water wings so that the ladies know you have a pool. Go outside and hop into your used BMW and you're ready to go turn some heads!"
The inevitable end result: success!! fame!! koi ponds!! 2759 fans!!
Haterz give up your copyright infringing ways, stop hatin', and start relatin'.
Nigel Swaby: Elements of Style
http://slcrealestate.blogspot.com/2007/04/march-was-tough-month-for-real-estate.html
Nigel Swaby: Elements of Style
http://www.iamfacingforeclosure.com/193/nigel-swaby-and-foreclosure-help-site/
6 comments:
Thanks for the tips. Where can I buy the smug expression?
ROFLMAO.
Can this package be purchased as a gift for deserving douchebags?
he wants to take a creative writing class, and get all that junk out of his system. instead, he calls it 'analysis'. for realz, he's a spin doc with no skillz.
You forgot to add the trophy wife.... Wonder what kind of a woman would marry Nigel. More importantly, is she high or low maitence?
i am going to sue your azz for stealing my site's name.
I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. Still giggling as I type...
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